Feel the Fear

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Fear, not in destroying it, but acknowledging it, and accepting it as a part of my life. Claiming it and saying, “OK, we have to live together. It’s time to figure how how to do that.” Not a battle, not a war; let’s call it an uneasy alliance. And exciting things are often uneasy experiences. Growing isn’t painless.

A new book (to me) I just started reading. “Feel the Fear And Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers, Ph.D. Her Truth No. 1. I guess sometimes we spend so much time fighting fear, not just in writing, but on so many different levels. We call it different things, like procrastination because we have other things to do, we get sidetracked. Self-protection. Or it’s just plain too hard. I have all sorts of reasons sometimes. Second-guessing myself tends to be a constant.

One thing I know is that when I’m writing a story, and I get to a section and I go back and forth in my mind and I say – because I talk to myself a lot, “I can’t write this or that, because it’s just too far out there,” that’s fear trying to override where my muse wants to take me. And once I’ve written that passage or that scene, that rush of adrenaline bursts inside. That scary moment, that moment when I think I’m crazy for taking chances, but also says, this is authentic, this isn’t about acceptable, it’s not about all the rules, all the political correctness, it’s about flying free. This is raw, this is what I want to write. But there is fear, and far from ever going away, or getting past it, I embrace the fear because it means I’m pushing myself to challenge boundaries, to challenge myself. I guess the day my writing doesn’t scare the crap out of me, I’m done. So, the one thing I need to do is recognize it, embrace it, and keep on moving.

 

A Contrast of Natures

I wrote a flash fiction prequel to this story titled “Wild Thing.” It can be found on my website at www.adriannadane.com, on the excerpt page for Captivity. One thing led to another. And eventually, “Captivity,” was born.

An excerpt from Captivity.

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Orion Birdwalker before his capture

Freedom. How did one describe it exactly? For Orion Birdwalker it had become an untouchable ache buried inside him, something he had once taken for granted and yearned for still. It was there, in a part of his soul—a wild thing, spirit caged—like his body.

Once a savage creature of the wild, without a name, without a home. Untamed, untutored. Uncivilized.

Beautiful women had gifted him with presents so that he would breed with them. He’d had no desire for civilization or its rules. His needs had been simple. He’d nested in the thick jungle that surrounded Bendar City, slept when he wanted, ate when he was hungry, and bred when he desired. Orphaned as a babe, he’d had no name—the ones who knew of his existence called him wild thing. There was no other on the planet exactly like him.

And that had been his downfall.

Lord Adolpho Serratin, high master of the Kalamadur Oasis compound located in the middle of the deadly black desert, was now Orion’s master, with the power of life and death over his slaves, his possessions. He also held the coveted position of Planet Mediator. He was a powerful man of untold wealth, with an army to secure his province. No one escaped Kalamadur—not without death as the consequence, in one way or the other. Either they were claimed by the black desert with its hidden traps and monsters, or excruciating death at the hands of Lord Serratin if they were tracked and recovered. One was simply slower and more painful than the other.

Through the year of Orion’s enslavement Serratin had not been as cruel a master as one of his power might otherwise enjoy. Orion had not been beaten within an inch of his life, nor did he bear scars of brutality on his body from his attempts to fight the shackling of his wings, and the piercings that came later.

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Lord Serratin

Orion looked down at his sleek, bronzed body decorated in a manner pleasing to his lord…the chain swaying from the nipple rings, the piercing of his cock head, now adorned by a jeweled stud that perfectly matched the brilliant color of his master’s eyes. Even the engraved silver allonium bands with the words “Property of Lord Serratin” locked around his forearms and calves had become so much a part of who he now was.

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Logistics and World Building – Captivity

Can’t draw, not even a straight line. Nope. Love this digital age. Sometimes I like to visual parts of the world I create, on paper, and not just in my head. It helps to know if someone is moving in a southerly or northerly direction, as it does to know the environment my characters must contend with.

In Captivity, for the location of Lord Sarratin’s compound, I used a desert environment. In Chapter One –  The Expectations of an Intimate Servant, we get a glimpse of not only Orion’s past life and previous environment, but also a sense of the desert enviroment that now surrounds him, and the contrast of the two environments. His world has completely changed.

Once a savage creature of the wild, without a name, without a home. Untamed, untutored. Uncivilized.

Beautiful women had gifted him with presents so that he would breed with them. He’d had no desire for civilization or its rules. His needs had been simple. He’d nested in the thick jungle that surrounded Bendar City, slept when he wanted, ate when he was hungry, and bred when he desired. Orphaned as a babe, he’d had no name—the ones who knew of his existence called him wild thing. There was no other on the planet exactly like him.

And that had been his downfall.

Lord Adolpho Serratin, high master of the Kalamadur Oasis compound located in the middle of the deadly black desert, was now Orion’s master, with the power of life and death over his slaves, his possessions. He also held the coveted position of Planet Mediator. He was a powerful man of untold wealth, with an army to secure his province. No one escaped Kalamadur—not without death as the consequence, in one way or the other. Either they were claimed by the black desert with its hidden traps and monsters, or excruciating death at the hands of Lord Serratin if they were tracked and recovered. One was simply slower and more painful than the other.

The erotic flash fiction prequel, “Wild Thing,” can be read for free on my website.

The map. To visualize the layout of the compound, since at the time I did not own a cartography or mapping program, I used my WordPerfect program to create a sense of the basics of the compound. There were the usual questions, which also helped to draw out character personality and traits. Where would Lord Serratin house his collection of creatures? What sort of garden might he have? Thus, I arrived at this description for the desert compound, taken from Chapter Five – The Aviary.

“Come with me,” Lord Serratin said. Orion followed the master out of the private suite and into a corridor. Days before, the birdman had been escorted by Kasheesh, the Menagerie Senticle, on a tour of the general layout of the compound. The house itself seemed more like an octopus, with corridors snaking out from a center court. The glass aviary, or conservatory, was a sparkling hexagon shining at the heart of the compound, but Orion had not been allowed inside the room.

Lord Serratin’s private suite of rooms was located in the northeast quadrant of the strange building. The upper norpromo_map2thwest quadrant was a special place reserved for Lord Serratin’s living possessions with access to outside cages for undomesticated creatures. This secured quadrant was where the master kept his priceless collections—those animals and items that were rare and considered to be his special acquisitions. It was an area that was more menagerie than residence, and where a room was already prepared and reserved for Orion. Even those prized possessions who acted as servants within the master’s household inhabited rooms in the collector’s wing.

Although Orion was assigned a room, in his capacity as intimate servant to the master, he was told he would rarely use it. Instead, a pallet was available for his use in the master’s private apartments and as long as Lord Serratin was in residence that was where he would sleep.

Orion followed the master down a corridor, curious as to where he was being taken, when his master stopped at the door of the conservatory. When Lord Serratin drew a gold key from his pocket and opened the wrought iron doors, Orion’s eyes widened with surprise as he caught his first glimpse of the impressive room. It was almost as though the house had been built around a section of the oasis itself.

Thus, this rough map helped to ground me as I began to navigate the world of the Kalamadur Oasis.

This map, of course, lays out the upper floor, not what’s below the surface. Such as the room to which Kasheesh takes Orion to receive his “reminder” of place and position within the household, as evidenced in Chapter Eight – Beneath Master’s Firm Hand.

“You’re to come with me, slave,” Kasheesh said as he attached the leash to Orion’s chest chain and roughly tugged him forward.

Orion glared at him. “Where are we going?” He tried to stand his ground, but the leash pulled the rings through his tits and unwillingly he followed the senticle out into the corridor. He was surprised when Kasheesh turned and walked past the dining rooms, heading to the back corridor that led to the kitchens contained in the separate building at the southwest corner of the compound.

“You’ll see soon enough. It’s about time Master took you in hand.” Kasheesh increased his pace and Orion was required to trot to keep up with Kasheesh’s long, quick stride rather than have the rings torn from his nipples.

Kasheesh stopped at a door in the back hallway. He pulled a heavy key ring from his belt and inserted an iron key from the assortment on the ring into the lock. The door squeaked when Kasheesh opened it.

Orion felt the first fingers of misgiving trace along his spine. He’d heard gossip from others that there was a dungeon located below ground. Could that be where Kasheesh was taking him?

“Wait,” he said, trying to halt Kasheesh’s progress toward a darkened set of descending stone steps. “Why are we going here?”

Kasheesh turned to look at him, a hard smile on his lips. “Master’s orders, spoiled boy. Time to learn your place.” He tugged on the leash and Orion had no choice but to follow him down the dangerous steps that ended in a cold, dimly lit corridor.

Torches flared along the tunnel. He heard the keys jangling at Kasheesh’s waist. A steady echo in the murky environment. They walked for about ten minutes, taking twists and turns until Orion had no idea where he was. He shivered in the clinging moist cold air. The musty smell filled his senses.

Kasheesh stopped at a thick iron door, unlocked it, and led Orion inside. Orion’s eyes widened when he saw the interior. Why had Lord Serratin wanted him brought here?

There was a table with implements laid out on it. Whips and paddles of numerous varieties. Large iron rings were embedded into the stone facade and into the stone floor. There was a barred cage at one end of the room.

“What is this place?” A tremor passed through Orion.

More about Kasheesh and envisioning characters…later.

Envisioning the Aviary in Captivity

Worldbuilding offers so many opportunities for the creative imagination to play and design and create. This is one of the things I really enjoy about writing fantasy, in particular. An emphasis first on the type of world that’s being created. The appearance, the climate, what type of architecture might be involved. And some of that architecture must play into the personalities of the characters. Consider: geographic locale, interior design, exterior environmental conditions. What type of climate will be involved? In “Captivity,” I used desert and oasis conditions, and a certain remoteness to the environment. This ties into Lord Saratin’s personality and his desire for tranquillity and quiet balance to his everyday life, because of the position he holds in the larger world.

One of the other pieces to this world, involving Orion, and an interior environment that befits a personality that involves flight, a hint of jungle, and in a sense the Aviary is a special place for Lord Saratin to tighten his bond with Orion.

Here’s a small snippet of story excerpted from the the chapter, “The Aviary,” in Captivity.

promo_aviaryOrion followed the master down a corridor, curious as to where he was being taken, when his master stopped at the door of the conservatory. When Lord Serratin drew a gold key from his pocket and opened the wrought iron doors, Orion’s eyes widened with surprise as he caught his first glimpse of the impressive room. It was almost as though the house had been built around a section of the oasis itself.

“I think you’ll like this place, Orion. It’s my sanctuary and I hope it will become yours as well.”

Slowly Orion stepped inside and gazed around him. He heard the click as Lord Serratin closed the door and locked it. Orion looked down at the ornate dark blue and cream mosaic floor and then his attention wandered upward once again. It almost felt like he was back in the jungle. A rush of remembered freedom wafted over him.

The aviary was truly a thing of beauty. It was filled with lush vegetation and looked to be more jungle than a room contained inside a dwelling. Exotic birds from the master’s collection, vivid in shades of reds and blues and greens flew among the greenery and flowering plants. There was even a small stone fountain with trickling water spraying into the air misting the room.

The wide room was designed as a marvelous domed conservatory with an extremely tall observation tower at the very core of the compound piercing the sky. It was completely constructed of glass, meshed screen, and black iron in swirling patterns, and rose like a tall phallic symbol, an offering reaching upward to the skygods. Every other panel of the curved walls was a scene made from intricately designed, colored stained glass. Orion looked toward the domed ceiling and saw that it was made of tinted glass, providing a spectacular view of the sky, yet shielding the room from the desert heat. Orion had never been inside anything quite like it, but then the birdman was not used to being inside rooms of any kind.

He was surprised when the master removed the chain netting over his wings and he was allowed to expand them. Immediately he spread his wings, took several running steps, and slowly lifted from the ground to land on a rocky ledge.

Ah, freedom!

He then lifted from the ledge and flew toward the ceiling. It felt good to be in the air once again. He landed on a perch and peered through the glass. The yellow, searing sun glared down from above. But what he wouldn’t give to feel the wild wind beneath his wings, sifting through his hair, feeling the chill on his face.

He circled the aviary several times, observed the other birds inhabiting the tower, each one different and unique. Just like him. He wondered sometimes if the master thought of him as more bird than man. There were moments when he didn’t know himself what he was. Except now, instead of simply existing, he was owned by a man who gave him purpose. He had a place in the world. What was freedom without a purpose?

“Come down, Orion.” The master called to him and Orion drifted down from the domed tower with some regret, to land before Lord Serratin.

“It’s time to teach you something new.”

Captivity, now available at Amazon.com.

Captive to the charisma of a powerful, sensual master – and slave to his own unquenchable desire. The winged man, once known simply as sthe wild thing, was free to roam the jungles outside Bendar City. Until he was betrayed, captured, and sold to a powerful lord who covets the birdman’s unique beauty for himself. Lord Adolpho Serratin of the Kalamadur Oasis maintains an unusual collection. Orion Birdwalker soon becomes the most precious of Serratin’s possessions, in more ways than one. The wild thing is soon named, tamed, and trained to serve his new master in all ways…

Captivity is Out!

captivity_smCaptivity, an erotic MM futuristic/fantasy is now available on Amazon.com. For a short time, it’s also included to read #free for #kindleunlimited subscribers.

An excerpt, as well as a very short erotic prequel to this story can be found on my website.

Lord Serratin paid a fortune in gold to acquire the birdman. Orion remembered his anger and fear, the impotence he’d felt when the lord had examined him in Bendar. It was the first time a man had ever touched Orion so intimately and Orion had been confused by his responses. Little had he known at the time, the passion he would come to feel for the man who would own him. He’d tried to deny the desire and overwhelming pleasure he’d felt when Lord Serratin had milked him at that first viewing. He’d never felt so drained in his life, so defeated. So overpowered and yet so elementally drawn to another human being as to his new lord.

Captive to the charisma of a powerful, sensual master – and slave to his own unquenchable desire. The winged man, once known simply as sthe wild thing, was free to roam the jungles outside Bendar City. Until he was betrayed, captured, and sold to a powerful lord who covets the birdman’s unique beauty for himself. Lord Adolpho Serratin of the Kalamadur Oasis maintains an unusual collection. Orion Birdwalker soon becomes the most precious of Serratin’s possessions, in more ways than one. The wild thing is soon named, tamed, and trained to serve his new master in all ways…

Grounded in Words

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Notebook after notebook, journal after journal…attest to this very true statement by Lord Byron. Get it down, get it out of my head. Some is gibberish, some becomes story, some clarifies thought. Somehow putting it down on paper, staring at the words, the phrases, the sentences, the paragraphs, gives movement, offering a sort of grounding. Coming back to those words days, months, years later, it may make sense, with distance. But in the end, it’s getting it out my head, memorializing it for later thought, mulling over it. And maybe even returning to it with fresh eyes will garner new insight. I do love the words….

Captivity, Releasing September 10th

Kalamadur was a peaceful and well run compound. Serratin was a collector of unique possessions just like Orion–one of a kind. Orion’s lord was an ageless man, with a full head of thick, white hair that he wore in a long braid down his back, smoldering green and gold eyes that glittered like living jewels, and skin the color of a moonless midnight. He was tall and well built, muscular and strong, with a sharp intellect. He never raised his voice, never needed to. He was respected by everyone who served him.

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Captivity by Adrianna Dane

Releasing September 10th. Available on Amazon.com. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01K1BQB8C

Captive to the charisma of a powerful, sensual master – and slave to his own unquenchable desire. The winged man, once known simply as sthe wild thing, was free to roam the jungles outside Bendar City. Until he was betrayed, captured, and sold to a powerful lord who covets the birdman’s unique beauty for himself. Lord Adolpho Serratin of the Kalamadur Oasis maintains an unusual collection. Orion Birdwalker soon becomes the most precious of Serratin’s possessions, in more ways than one. The wild thing is soon named, tamed, and trained to serve his new master in all ways…

Read an excerpt: http://www.adriannadane.com/captivity.html
#MM #master/slave #futuristic #fantasy #eroticromance #gay #BDSM